it’s a new year, and i can hardly believe that it’s 2013. i got used to 2012, and i wasn’t that surprised to see it come, but something about 2013 reminds me that time slows down for no one. i’m almost three decades old, and this year, i’ve decided i need to #takecare of myself. so that’s my new year’s resolution. and it means a lot of different things. here is how i will #takecare, better care, of myself in 2013:

slowing down – NC here we come

1. i vow to slow down this year in several parts of my life. some of you have heard by now (and i totally, after a few rum punches, let the cat out of the bag on twitter) that i am moving back to north carolina with my lovely man rabbit [read: my boy man partner of several years]. this is one of the main ways that i’m going to slow down. i will always love new york, and brooklyn will always hold a special place in my heart, but after almost three decades on the planet, i have discovered that i require a slower pace of life if i’m going to survive it with all my joints in tact.

yoga – every day

2. and speaking of joints, instead of going full force into some crazy, wack-a-doo workout program (which is what i have a very long history of doing and then not completing after several months, weeks, or even years of going at it), i’m going to take care of my joints (and, indeed, my mental health) by doing 15 minutes of yoga a day. stay tuned for a review of a web app that is helping me to achieve this [almost] every day of the week. baby steps will lead to better care, i’ve been told. and yes – only 15 minutes. someone told me, “that’s so new york of you.” to which i rolled my eyes. so what. it’s better than no minutes.

goodbye heels – it’s been really, really real

3. and speaking of baby steps, i can’t take any more steps in high heels, and so i’ve cleaned out my closets and begun to let some high heels go. over the years, i’ve been the queen of preen, i’ve made sure i look cute every step of the way, but that doesn’t mean i’ve taken care of myself in the process. that’s landed me with a whole saddle bag of shoes i can’t wear, money i could’ve saved, and feet that don’t perform as they should. and that’s not to say i regret the years of not taking care of myself in a way that makes me angry, no, i had a lot of fun in those shoes. and saying goodbye to them means i’m letting go of that part of my life. but it doesn’t resign me to no more fun. it means it’s time to have fun in flats.

somewhere between anger and fear … there is bravery

4. and speaking of anger and not taking care of myself, through many years of therapy, i’ve started to figure out where my anger comes from, and it’s helping me to allow myself to have the feeling. i think i grew up with the idea that if i was feeling angry that i certainly shouldn’t tell anyone about it. lest they think i was improper or talk poorly of me in the future. but anger is a normal emotion, and i am taking care of myself this year by letting myself be angry and letting myself tell people when i’m angry. this is a work in progress. i’m still terrified of permanently burned bridges and having no friends. (but when has that ever happened? i mean, most people like me enough to forgive me. except for those people i annoy the shit out of. oh shit i just cursed on the internet twice. what if someone reads this and i regret it? see … there goes my brain again. this is why i’m doing yoga, to easily bring myself back to the moment of what i’m trying to express.)

my blog is growing up with me

5. and speaking of expression, this year my blog will take a turn to new topics. things i’ve touched on briefly in the past but not expressed entirely. i’m not sure i’ll ever be able to be completely, totally baringly honest about my life on the internet. after all, part of taking care of yourself is having a balance. but i’m going to strive to share three things with you in 2013: fat, fashion and fitness. i am going to talk about my life as a fat person and my struggle with being fat. because talking about it feels like i’m moving in some direction other than just being saddled with all the mixed emotions i have. and i’m going to talk about fashion because let’s face it, it’s hard to dress a fat body most mornings. not just because of lack of options, but because the pants that fit last week might not fit this week, and that just starts a day off in a panic. and i’m going to talk about fitness because the more i talk about it, the more i’m gonna have to be about it. i’m looking forward to re-joining my former gym buddies in NC and making new ones. and i’m going to talk about food, because that’s a big part of fitness – mentally, emotionally and physically.

i’ve always been a planner, and i will always make plans.

how will you #takecare in 2013?